Thursday, July 21, 2011

Losing My Religion



Since the time this song was released way back in 1991, it has been a theme for me in my Zen Practice. The paradox of having and losing a religion, (of which I have always been averse to), has haunted me since I began. And at the same time it always felt like the authentic path of Zen was about religion not being a religion. So I have been drawn in and repulsed by the orthodoxy of all religions, and especially focused on that of Zen Buddhism. It is easy to be seduced by form and liturgy and our ancient teachers constantly told us that the practice wasn't about that. So it isn't about losing or gaining, it is about not picking or choosing. We come into this life empty handed and leave the same way, all that we accumulate along the way doesn't amount to anything. So I share this with a big question, 'What is this?'


Losing My Religion

Oh life, it's bigger
It's bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no, I've said too much
I set it up

That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
Trying to keep a view
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no, I've said too much
I haven't said enough

I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

Every whisper
Of every waking hour
I'm choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt, lost and blinded fool, fool
Oh no, I've said too much
I set it up

Consider this
Consider this, the hint of the century
Consider this, the slip
That brought me to my knees, failed
What if all these fantasies come
Flailing aground
Now I've said too much

I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

But that was just a dream
That was just a dream

That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
Trying to keep a view
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no, I've said too much
I haven't said enough

I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

But that was just a dream
Try, cry, why try
That was just a dream
Just a dream
Just a dream, dream

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