Waiting For My Real Life to Begin

Colin James Hay (born 29 June 1953) is a Scottish-Australian musician, who made his mark during the 1980s as lead vocalist of the Australian band Men at Work, and later as a solo artist. Colin is married to singer Cecilia Noël, who often provides backup vocals at his shows.

This song reminds me of the human condition; it is pure poetry and echoes the state of our frail existence. Somehow, in the future our ‘real’ life will kick in when some thing or event takes place. Buddha taught that past, future and present life do not exist, there is just what might be called ‘moment’ life. Dogen Zenji once said, ‘we have the ability to wake up 84,000 times per second.” Colin’s ballad is warm and soothing yet resonates with the longing that we all have experienced at some point in our lives. If we are waiting for something, then we are missing the moments that make up our lives. This is where everything is as it is; this is life unfolding by itself where we can engage it with openness and honesty and a willingness to just see how it will occur. The witness in the song then says, “Be still, my love open up your heart, let the light shine in.” This is our true self presenting an opportunity to take hold of one Dogen’s 1/84,000^th of a second and just be. Yet our habit energy takes us to say, “Don't you understand? I already have a plan, I'm waiting for my real life to begin.” We slip in and out of the dialog often until we realize that each and every moment, “I can see a very long way.”

Waiting For My Real Life to Begin       

Any minute now, my ship is coming in

I'll keep checking the horizon

And I'll stand on the bow

And feel the waves come crashing

Come crashing down, down, down on me

And you said, “Be still, my love

Open up your heart

Let the light shine in”

Don't you understand?

I already have a plan

I'm waiting for my real life to begin

When I awoke today suddenly nothing happened

But in my dreams I slew the dragon

And down this beaten path

And up this cobbled lane

I'm walking in my own footsteps once again

And you say, “Just be here now

Forget about the past

Your mask is wearing thin”

Let me throw one more dice

I know that I can win

I'm waiting for my real life to begin

Any minute now, my ship is coming in

I'll keep checking the horizon

And I'll check my machine

There's sure to be that call

It's gonna happen soon, soon, oh so very soon

It's just that times are lean

And you say, “Be still, my love

Open up your heart

Let the light shine in”

Don't you understand?

I already have a plan

I'm waiting for my real life to begin

Hey heyeyeyeyey

Hey yeeeeeee

Hey heyeyeyeyey

Eeh eeh eeh eeh eh x5

On a clear day

I can see, see for a long way

On a clear day

I can see, see a very long way

© Colin Hay

Zen and Poetry: a Brief Conversation

The following discussion on Zen and Poetry took place at Dharma Zen Center in Los Angeles on March 17, 1997. My Grand-Teacher, Zen Master Sŭngsan agreed to meet with me to answer my questions about the role poetry plays in meditation practice as well as in teaching and conveying Zen mind to the Western World. It is included here to serve as a catalyst of understanding for Zen Poetry as well as a wonderful teaching about how we all can live in this world.

Dochong: Hello sir, I’m very happy to see you again. You are looking quite well after your recent eye surgery, so I hope you are up to these many questions I have brought. I decided to write them on a list so I wouldn’t forget what it was I wanted to discuss with you. So if you are ready we’ll get started.

Zen Master Seung Sahn: (glancing at the ominous list in my hand) So, you have many questions?

DC: Yes Sir, I realize this isn’t our normal Zen style, but I felt it would be important to students, as well as readers of poetry, to understand how you, a Zen Master, might approach the subject of poetry. Along this line, if you don’t mind, the first question is; why do you, as a Zen Master, bother to compose poems?

ZMSS: For you. (the two of us laugh at this answer)

DC: Thank you very much for all your wonderful gifts! That’s a very good answer. I was wondering about when you compose a poem, do you actually reflect on the situation and then write using “beautiful language?”

ZMSS: No. Only whatever situation comes up or appears, then I will compose a poem. Not so much checking situations, and not so much making something.

DC: So, what you are saying is that only just this moment, whatever appears is usually your subject for a poem.

ZMSS: Exactly, this moment appears, then compose a poem.

DC: In your teaching I have often heard you say that people suffer from word sickness so word medicine is necessary. Along those lines would you describe how you use language in your poetry?

ZMSS: Simple! Only whatever situation comes up or appears! Any style of writing is OK. You know, Korean, Japanese, English, any kind of writing, but most importantly only what appears.

DC: As you say, “Simple.” But, this all seems much too simple to a complicated mind. I love reading your poetry because it allows me to connect to this moment, so what if I was to say to you, “I love your poems; they are so beautiful,” what would you say to me in response?

ZMSS: I don’t care! (much laughter.)

DC: Of course! I should have known you’d say that! In your teaching you often talk about candy, which can be words, or possibly artwork, or even the environment surrounding us, something that gives us a good feeling. You also use existential questions known as Kong-ans (Japanese: Koans) which have hooks in them designed to catch our conceptual mind and trap us within the labyrinth of our own thinking. Eventually out of this internal struggle with trying to understand that which cannot be conceptualized will come some opening to the world of truth. Considering all this then, a Zen Master’s words can sometimes be candy and sometimes hooks. Is there candy in your poems? Are there hooks? And would you explain what you mean?

ZMSS: Yes, sometimes candy and sometimes hooks appear in my poems, but realize that I don’t create candy or hooks in these poems. They are written, with no intention, only for all of my students.

DC: OK., so I know that you have studied the poetry of other Zen Masters and sometimes quote their poems in your talks as well as in print; an example would be in one of your recent books, The Whole World is a Single Flower. What happens in your mind when you read or hear other people’s poetry?

ZMSS: I never check other people’s poetry. The mind with which I read or comment on another’s poetry is only a practicing mind, so their meaning appears, then I only comment.

DC: So, you keep a clear mind to penetrate the meaning of other’s poetry, but I wondering what is the best way to read your poems so that I may learn your teaching?

ZMSS: Put it all down, everything! Then my mind and your mind can connect.

DC: That’s not so easy. To some extent, I suppose we all are trying to find the meaning in life, to transcend our attachment to intellectual understanding. But, I was wondering, is poetry Zen? Does true poetry manifest Zen mind?

ZMSS: Zen mind, poetry mind, writing mind, practicing mind, are all not different.

DC: So would you say it is better to write poems or to talk about poems?

ZMSS: I really don’t like to talk about poems. If you see clear, hear clear, and smell clear, then everything is clear. So, only what appears then only write that down. Not so much like poetry people getting together talking about this poem is this and that poem is something else. This is making something, like painting legs on the picture of a snake, a snake doesn’t need legs to get around. I don’t use this style so much.

DC: So, if I might paraphrase what you just said and ask it another way; only reading the poem, then (claps hands) cut off all thinking, and then only what appears in this moment is all that is necessary?

ZMSS: Yes. It’s very simple. For example, in my poetry book, Bone of Space, when I traveled around Europe, for each city I visited I wrote a poem. If you read these poems you will understand the situation, condition and relationship that existed during that trip—how I connected to this country, how I connected to this city, and how I understood these cities. Something would appear and I would only compose a poem. This is not special, in writing poetry I only see clearly, hear clearly, smell clearly, and think clearly. My thinking is also clear, not checking anything, just thinking clearly. So then, just think, just think clearly and then compose a poem. That was the poetry style I used going around to those various cities. Only what appeared I would write down.
DC: I have another question. In the west there is a rhyming poetry style, or in Japan there is Haiku which is limited to 32 syllables, these are poetic structures. These structures or forms are interesting but seem to sometime limit or control the expression. In the spirit of Zen it appears to me that Zen poetry has no structure, is this correct?

ZMSS: Yes, that is correct.

DC: So, just whatever appears we should write down?

ZMSS: Haiku poets all only follow this Japanese style. This style is very tight and everyone is attached to the form. Zen means, don’t attach to name and form. Perceive everything. Don’t attach to any country, any people, any form, any situation, any condition, only bring them together, then become one. Then, if some idea appears, or some form appears, or some speech appears, that’s all, OK.? My poetry is not making something, it is a manifestation of seeing clearly, hearing clearly and thinking clearly, then the poem appears by itself.
A long time ago in Japan there was a region known as Matsushima. Matsushima is a location near the ocean, surrounded by mountains, rivers, trees and flowers. This was a very beautiful area and attracted many poets and artists. All of the poets would travel to this place and then compose many beautiful poems. Eventually many books about Matsushima appeared. Around this same period, a very famous Zen Master and Poet named Basho read these poems and looked at the artwork and decided to visit Matsushima to see this wondrous place for himself. When Basho saw the beauty of this place he wrote the following poem, only three sentences:

Matsushima—
ah, Matsushima!
Matsushima!
Only three sentences. This is a very famous Zen poem. This is the heart of Zen you know. Only Matsushima is Matsushima, it is very simple.

DC: Wow, I don’t think you can get simpler than that. I suppose the poetry I have written doesn’t have the simplicity of Basho’s three lines, but I would appreciate your comments on a poem I wrote while both of us were visiting Nam Wah Sah in China in 1996. Because we shared the same experience it would be helpful to me to have your comments.

It is called All People Become One.

people have come to Hui Neng’s Temple
to celebrate
“The Whole World is a Single Flower,
All People Become One.”
China
Korea
Hong Kong
Malaysia
Russia
South Africa
Canada
USA
Poland
Hungary
the abbot Fo Yuen is happy to see us.
Dae Soen Sa Nim
has achieved the impossible again.
one man’s vision, bring Zen back to China
chanting the Heart Sutra, the main Buddha Hall
reverberates with joy.
if all people become one,
what does the one become?
So Sir, in all my humbleness I ask you, would you consider this Zen poetry?

ZMSS: Yes, this poem is OK. However, in Zen poetry, or any kind of poem, the last sentence is very important. In the end of this poem you have some question, correct? You say; ‘If all people become one, what does the one become?’ This sentence is correct, but the next line, the last line, is very important.

DC: So, what you are saying is that I haven’t quite finished this poem?

ZMSS: That is correct, one more line is necessary. I might suggest that you add this as the last line; ‘I bow to the statue of the Sixth Patriarch.” This was the Sixth Patriarch’s temple that we were visiting so some comment about our Ancestor is necessary to properly finish this poem. This last line is very important. This one sentence. This is a live sentence, in my Zen teaching we call that, just like this.

DC: Let me understand what you just said. You are saying that Zen Poetry always should end with some type of live sentence, or in Zen terminology, a just like this sentence.

ZMSS: Of course, this is a very important point. This last sentence is most important.

DC: OK. So this brings the poem full circle and gives it life.

ZMSS: Correct. These are live words. So poems are; only thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, then some question appears, then boom! – live words!

DC: Like you always tell us “cut off all thinking,” right? Only this moment. So this style is also teaching people. When they read that, then they may say “Oh, yes this is very simple, all of this thinking, but then everything returns to this moment.”

ZMSS: Yes, in this moment, boom! – just like this! (more laughter) So, you like to make these poems. That is very wonderful, you are a great man.

DC: Now that I have my courage up may we try another poem from the same trip we shared.
.
Chogye Mountain

nestled into Chogye Mountain
Nam Wah Sa is the birthplace
of our current practice.
more than 1,000 years have passed
since the illiterate man
built this place.
many enlightened beings
have tread its hallways.
the energy is overwhelming
to walk in the footsteps
of the 6th Patriarch.
to see the tradition live on,
South China Temple
will emerge from
the Communist rubble
like the lotus flower
emerges from the mud.
Om nam,
Om nam........

ZMSS: Oh, this poem is very good. Om nam, Om nam… is very good to close the poem with, but again this is the Sixth Patriarch’s temple, so in this case some line or word from the Sixth Patriarch is necessary. Maybe you could say, “originally nothing” and insert it just before Om nam. Right here. So then the end of the poem reads; Originally nothing, Om nam, Om nam…. You understand? Then you give this poem some life and connection with Hui Neng.

DC: Yes I can see that. Thank you for your assistance, thank you very much. I started writing poetry after reading Cold Mountain by Han Shan and Bone of Space which is your book of poetry. I am attracted to Han Shan because of his honest simplicity and I enjoy your poems because they cut through my thinking and bring me right into the present moment.

ZMSS: What do you see now? What do you here now? Just become clear.
(Zen Master Sŭngsan actually just asked me a question and I missed it!)
DC: I began to assemble this book of poems to help with Zen practice. Only, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, then, as you said, – what now? Only return to this moment, what am I seeing, touching, smelling. I look at each moment, much as I do a poem I have written.

ZMSS: So, you must understand that everything is changing, changing, changing. Mountains, rivers, this earth, the sun, the stars, everything is changing. But, what is the one thing that is not changing? So, this is a very important point, the world is changing, changing, changing, but what is it that is not changing?

DC: (I had been carrying this idea for quite some time before this discussion and was happy that I was getting to express it with the founding teacher of my school, little did I know....) I would have to say, don’t know. Don’t know is never changing.

ZMSS: (he smiles a crooked smile I have seen far too often, which tells me I missed the mark again) Nooooo! Don’t know is also changing! (then breaks into much more laughter)

DC: (a little startled because the rug got pulled out again) So Sir, you won’t ever give me anything to attach to, will you?!

ZMSS: So I ask you, what is not changing? This moment is very important; but, what is not changing? Don’t know, is no problem. Why, is no problem. Questioning, is no problem. But, what is not changing? This means, your shirt is grey and your beard is brown. That’s all. Life sentence. Just like this—this moment. This moment mind is never changing, this moment is the truth. What do you see now, what do you hear now, what action is occurring right now. This moment is very important. But also, not now! This moment is very important. Buddha taught us that past, present and future are the three worlds, OK? Each of these worlds are changing. Zen teaches we have no past, we have no present and we have no future, because if you say present that is already past. Time is non stop, so we have no present. In the Diamond Sutra it says, “Past mind cannot get enlightenment, present mind cannot get enlightenment, future mind also cannot get enlightenment.” So, what kind of mind do you get. That’s a very important point. This means that everything is always changing, time is always changing, the present is always changing, the future is always changing, and space is also changing. Also, any kind of name and form is changing, and the truth is changing. If you say the truth and already it is changing. So, we don’t say truth. But if you don’t say truth, then what is truth? This means, maybe shouting, “KATZ!,” then saying; “sky is blue, tree is green,” that’s all. Your poetry should also be this style. When you compose a poem, then maybe some kind of opposites thinking will appear, like crying and laughing or coming and going, so you write this down. Then by itself a question appears – boom! Life sentence.

DC: So if I had a second chance at answering your question, I would answer; your sweater is grey.

ZMSS: Correct. Very simple. Your statement is like Basho’s trip to Matsushima where he didn’t really say anything. Many other poets wrote very special words to describe their experiences. But he only said;

Matsushima—
ah, Matsushima!
Matsushima!

Only Matsushima. This is number one very important point. If you want to understand poetry that is great Zen poetry.

DC: I gather then what you are saying is that if you want to understand Matsushima you must visit Matsushima on your own, then Basho’s mind and my mind become one is possible.

ZMSS: If you want to understand Matsushima you must go over there and see. Matsushima is not different.............

Rumi's Valentine Gift

I have followed Coleman Barks and Robert Bly for years, and their collaboration is beyond explanation. But here is my pick for a Valentines Poem from Rumi. May Allah be a light to all of us.

a moment

it is within a moment,
or a sideways glance.
we are moved to silence
in the midst of the chatter.
why would one
come to exclude the
presence that always is?
for you
and for me,
we must know
beyond the mundane
existence that we call life.
we are here
to teach love
and life and grace,
and the rest of what
we thought was important
can be dumped into
the trash heap of humanity.

happy new year

the flowers that bloomed this year
are commensurately as beautiful as those
that appeared last year.
the beings who exist this year
have now become older
than they were at this time last year.
fortune that befalls an individual
tends not last for a thousand days;
flowers tend not to blossom
for more than a hundred days.
this is the function of mother earth
and comes by itself through natural process.
treasure your opportunities now,
we have nothing when they have departed.
on this very day last year–
at this entry point–
your face and the poinsettias flushed the same.
yet now your lovely face has slowly diminished,
but the poinsettias radiate just as brightly
with the winter wind’s return.
please pay attention,
make time for the essence of this life–
right now is a good time to start,
making a resolution in the future,
is truly an exercise in futility–
change can only exist
in this very moment in time.
whatever that resolution might be,
just do it now,
yes,
right now this very moment–
don’t wait
or life will have passed you by.
happy new year
may we all find everlasting peace
in the unfolding chaos of the cosmos.

photo: passiflora, Maui, HI by Paul Lynch

before its over

today is December 21st
in the two thousand and eighth year
of the Christian calendar;
Christmas is as yet to appear
and already minds are racing ahead
to the new year.
on Christmas eve
spend time with your family
on New Year’s eve spend time
with family and friends;
may the utter and unfettered mind
of all that has come
and all that is yet to be
find a place in your heart

dochong, jdpsn

subtle form

I usually post my poetry on my chan poetry blog, but this one I felt like posting here.


a subtle form which defies explanation.
there is a place that we each can go,
a shelter beyond the mundane existence
that seems to rule our lives.
it is the existence of eternity,
it is the face of infinity
that we fear.
yet this infinite presence
is with us each moment
and with each breath that we take.
I can see it in the shadows
of the large eucalyptus trees,
and I can hear it in the echo
of the albatross' song,
I can feel it in the warmth of the
mid-day sun against my skin,
it is timeless,
it is breathless,
it is beyond thought
and beyond understanding.
and yet you know
of what I speak
is true
and tangible
in this world of great illusion.
it is the name
of the nameless,
and the face
of the faceless.
and yet our lives
spring forth from it
every second that we breathe.
I can't define it,
or you or me
in the quantum physics
of a universe gone mad,
and yet I am simple
and present
and beyond any concept
that I had a moment ago.
but concepts are many
and our ideas become rampant,
it is in the quiet time of this peace
that overcomes me like a wave,
I don't ask for it,
I only know of it
I can't say it
or know it
or hold it in my hands.
but I know full well
with my entire existence,
that what I speak of exists
in a tangible way.
there is doubt
and there is belief
but what I have is faith
beyond measure.
it is borne on the wings
of a truth built on now.
and in this now
lies the entire cosmos
laid bare for all of us to see.
it is here
and not someplace else
that we come to find ourselves.
and in that instant
that we find it
then we know who we are,
and our loved ones
and our cherished ones
are safe
and protected from harm.

photo: Copyright Manisha Sharma Mount Haleakala, Maui, HI

a finger pointing at the moon

the fourteenth century Kashmiri Poetess named Lala said about enlightenment and her direction;

in this state there is no Shiva,
nor any holy union.
only a somewhat something moving
dreamlike on a fading road.

I can't add one thing to this statement, it is already complete.

customs gate

I was quite blessed to be able to spend three weeks with the Venerabale Maha Ghosananda and Zen Master Sungsan while we traveled through China in 1996. Maha Ghosananda was always pulling some treat or surprise out of his saffron robes, and always had this luminous smile on his face. Just being in his presence was a moving experience for me and I must say that I have very fond memories of the times as well as the silence we shared on this trip.

leaving china with mixed emotions
passing through customs at shenzhen
my bags are much heavier
now than before
from all of the gifts I have bought
the sign says;
Hong Kong Residents Only.
my group proceeds and I ask,
“shouldn’t we go that way?”
“oh no, this is the correct way.”
looking up and down at the
customs gates
all of them have signs which read,
Hong Kong Residents Only.
a chinese official tells us,
we must turn around and go back
because we’ve come the wrong way.
when we finally arrive at
Hong Kong Customs
turning around the corner
there is Maha Ghosananda
his paperwork is done
and his processing complete
Maha Ghosananda has taught us all today
only go straight
and pay attention to the signs.

October 7, 1996
Hong Kong Customs

photo: Maha Ghosananda, Dakchun fashi, and Dochong, JDPSN at Yunmensi PRC

photo2: Maha Ghosanada and Dochong, JDPSN in Hong Kong

what is God?

one day when I was four,
lying on my back with my sister,
gazing up at the clouds,
lords prayer on the phonograph
playing repeatedly in the Sierra Mountains,
the cumulous clouds would take on amazing forms
my initiation into mystical experience,
an early communion with God.

one day when I was fourteen,
science seemed to hold the key.
now, only wanting answers,
the questions lost their meaning
a birthday gift from my sister;
John Lennon’s album “Imagine.”
understanding only his words,
I then lost faith in God.

one day when I was eighteen,
discovered hallucinatory drugs,
had a communion with a fly
in the high California Desert,
and lost the way completely.
so absorbed in a world of sensory stimulation,
looking for the truth,
trying to understand this mind with the mind,
turned always down a dead end street.

one day when I was twenty-three,
a personal trauma sent me
reeling out of control.
when a month had passed
I had returned to this world,
tried to go to AA meetings,
but the Higher Power thing
always got in the way.
believing humans to be the ultimate,
Einstein said: “man is destined to prevail,”
returning to scientific roots,
seeking the truth in Universities,
psychology would surely help me
unlock the secrets of the mind.

one day when I was twenty-eight,
I encountered a psychotic man.
he taught me that all my understanding was meaningless
and I was powerless to help.
beginning the decline again, into a world
of drunken nights and sexual pleasure,
every night enjoying the trip,
every morning knowing better.
this split mind was inside one body,
trying to go both directions at one time.

one day when I was thirty,
I met a chubby Korean man.
he became an impasse in my life
and stopped my thinking cold.
he told me; “Put it all down, don’t make anything.
only go straight, then find your correct direction
and keep a don’t know mind.”
eventually I became a Buddhist teacher myself,
it seemed the safest route to me.
I thought there was no God in Buddhism.

one day when I was thirty-nine
I came to realize
that God was just my idea and it was
this idea of God that didn’t exist;
not God.
the Upanishads call it ‘Atman’
the Hindu’s name it ‘Brahman’
Śākyamuni Buddha lectured on ‘Sunyata’
Laozu wrote about ‘Dao’
Moses said it was ‘Yahweh’
Jesus talked about ‘My Father’
Mohammed preferred the term ‘Allah’
now I don’t know what to call God,
I guess a name does not fit.

Dochong, JDPSN
December 25, 1997
Costa Mesa, CA
Photo: Newport Beach Sunset by Paul Lynch, JDPSN

we exist only for a moment

we exist only for a moment
in the vast unfolding
of the cosmic realm,
yet we cling so tightly
to our ideas about life
and love and happiness.
it is these
that causes us to suffer
for incalculable kalpas
living out a cycle
over and over again.
why is it so hard to just see
we are only this
that we have now,
there is no other…..
time
place
or
me.
know that
you are perfect
just now
and need
no fixing
or improvement,
we just
grab so strongly
to the idea of
a separate ‘I’
that we lose
our true self
in the process
of the loss.







Source: "Ramblings From the Center" an upcoming collection of new poetry from Dochong, JDPSN

haiku

one hand clapping bodhisattva
dancing on the head
of this paradox




seek the holy fish
and you will
attain nirvana

don’t attach too much to zen
just live a simple life
and love those around you.

right strength of aspiration,
noble effect in this moment–
world honored Tathagata



Source: "Cold Heart Thawing" the Zen Poetry of Do Chong, iUniverse Press, 1998
All Pictures by Paul Lynch, JDPSN taken in the Peoples Republic of China 2003